I have become the person I said I never would

A soap opera addict. its really sad. I'm going to take you back to when it all started......



When I was about 3 my mom made me watch them with her. She liked watching One life to live, all my children and general hospital. I cried the dayI had to start school because I would miss them all. I made my mom promise to tell me what happened.


As I got olderI forgot all about them. Still kinda kept informed cause I knew the main characters. That all changed when my co worker would sit at my desk and watch one life to live. Everyday as I am working she is at my desk watching. So of course i would watch too. 2 years later here i am hooked!!!!!!!!!!!


Hi.... my name is Allie and I am hooked on soap net...


There i said it!! I finally admit that I have a problem.. to the point where I have even started watching other soaps. I go to sleep with the TV on soap net and I wake up in the morning and watch it. I even gave up Grey's anatomy for one life to live. ( but i recently found away around that I can watch grey's on Friday and watch my Friday episode on Sunday morning) <---- ITS THAT BAD PEOPLE!!!


i am hooked

Saying I Love You till you turn black and blue is not enough sometimes

it can be weird sometimes. Forced almost. Actions speak louder than words. Actions and affection is better than an I love you. Anyone can tell you they love you and fake it. I'm more about actions.

As sad as I can ever be

And pissed off too. There is the ever long battle with the Ex on how I can be a bad parent and not "do my part" as far as paying him any form of child support.. Lets keep in mind that I just got back into the swing of things as far as working goes. And it is half way true that I should be busting my ass to make things work.

But the ultimate heartbreak for me is hearing my son tell me he has a new mom now because I'm not around. I can't even begin to explain this. There is no words. all I can say is that it makes me feel like I have failed. I am a terrible mother.

I have to walk on egg shells all because I'm worried that and have been told that I will not be able to talk to my kids anymore.

It's a situation that completely blows. No surprise why i feel the way I do sometimes.

And the one person who should be sticking by my side and making me feel better totally disses me by telling me my ex still owns me and doesn't talk to me. Telling me to fight and then a few months eariler tells me there's no point in fighting. confusing ? Very! Not understanding that in a flash he can keep my babies away from me. whats even more painful is the lack of support I am getting from him. He can see plain as day that something like this kills me. And he chooses to watch I love New York instead of comfort me really makes me lose respect for him. If it was him that was going through this I would be by his side drying his tears telling him it's ok. Points lost.. respect lost.

I'm hurt in more ways than one. I thank my mom for calling me and trying to cheer me up. She may not have been there in the past and our relationship mtight be crappy but she came tho for me tonight

LEAVE THE FUCKIN TOILET SEAT DOWN!!

Or at least put the damn seat down once your done!! i can't even begin to stress how annoying it is to wake up at 3 am and fall into the toilet all because SOMEONE cant be nice and remember to put it back down !!

what is the deal with men and toilet seats.. one of these days i hope you fall in there and get ur ass all wet with nasty toilet water !!



so if ur a guy and you happen to stumble upon this please be nice to a girl and

PUT THE SEAT DOWN !!

I'm really hating blogger !!!

I am Trying to work on fixing It up and doing my page on my own ..BUT it confuses me my space seems so much easier, you know its sad when Tony can out design me... god i need to stop competing with that kid.

So here i am frustrated and wanting to give up. BUT I'M NOT GOING TO!!! i will fix it up and it will look all pretty.. so if it looks like shit when you come across it, sorry folks

Why is it that I always get attacked ??

Seriously? What the hell ! All the other blogs I visit never have spam on there's. Why am i so unlucky? I attract the weird.. story of my life..


ANYHOW..................

Happy New Year !!


Got a new job.. yup it sucks, from day one I knew my new co worker would get on my nerves. She's 58 and very annoying, a drama queen who recently tried to start shit. shes old and slow, I'm a very fast and organized worker.

Friday she tells me we can't leave the office until everything is done. I told her no worries I am pretty much caught up and with a nasty attitude she tells me I don't think you understand me. I told her I did and I stick by what I said I will be done.

so what does she do run and tell the doctor I'm not being a team player.. of course i get a lecture from the doctor. how she wants no talking behind peoples back and she wants us all to get along... ugh people... I'm just going to stop here no need to get worked up..

let me vent why she annoying

1st all she does is talk talk talk...


2nd shes slow.

3rd it takes her 20 mins to make an appointment cause she has to tell patients that a doctor removed the gland that makes her vagina moist..FUCKIN GROSS!! NO ONE wants to hear about a 58 year olds vagina let alone hers !!!

she just sucks !!!!!

Getting married??

Complicated......I swear. So Tony and I are married but its the kind a of marriage that is only recognized by the state of Texas and no vows were never said. Am I happy with this ? NO !! Ever since girls were little they dream of their wedding and how beautiful and glamorous it will be. And I want a wedding like that. I want all the drama and headaches you get when planning the whole thing .

So I suggest to Tony that we get married. His answer, were all ready married. I explain I wanna go through it the right way and I get the little weird vibe from him. I start doing a little planning like where the reception should be held and and who should go but the more I start to plan the less he seems into it. YOU DON'T GET THE MILK FOR FREE DAMNIT !!!

I have decided to squash the whole thing. I am not forcing anyone into something they don't want to do. Plus if I am going to get married I want it to be totally traditional. I want to have him get on one knee ( that's another thing Tony said that since we plan on getting married he can skip the whole purposing and engagement ring thing... JERK!!) and have the beautiful wedding with my family around the way I always dreamed it would be.

I have been married before ( well sort of.... Long story deserves another blog all in it's own ). One of those shotgun weddings ...LOL me being the one with the gun held to my head. I just want it to be done the right way. I want my kids to be in the wedding and have my dad give me away to the man that I will spend the rest of my life with.

I guarantee that this will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ( that a lot of evers) happen. Like I said before I will never force someone into something they don't want to do. Who knows what the future holds .. But it won't hold a wedding that's for sure.

PICTURES !!

the sweetest pic ever

Kaci 2 months

Kaci at the park

Hazel and kaci

Julius and Kaci

Hazel, Kaci, Julius and I

Hell has frozen over !!!!!!!!!!

Cause I'm blogging !!! My last post was in August and as you will see in almost every post I'm lying when I say I will try to blog more often. But I will try harder.

Anyhow, a lot has happened since the last blog. Tony's cousin and his girlfriend moved in ( and they are getting ready to move out !!! YESSSS!!). I went to California to visit my babies. Not seeing them for 6 months was painful but I had a blast with them as always and spent all of my time with them. Kaci and I were there for 2 weeks. My reaction to Cali really surprised me. As soon as I got off the plane I wanted to go back to Austin. I got depressed cause I was away from what I now call my home and even more depressed cause my partner in crime was nowhere near me. I guess he missed me too cause he posted one of the sweetest blogs about me. Tony's blog post.

Kaci will be 3 months on the 10th. She is no longer the quiet lil baby that sleeps all day. She's totally opposite. All she wants to do is stay awake. She will only fall asleep for 10 minutes at a time. By the end of the day she's really cranky. She's smiling like crazy. The doctor told us she is a little underweight but she is taller than most babies her age. She is a blast. Very wide eyed loves looking at everything and gets mad when she doesn't get her way. When she was with tony's dad this past weekend she was talking up a storm with him. I never heard her Jabber like that. And he is the only one who got her to talk like that. Since we have been home she hasn't jabbered the way she did with him .

August 10th

I had an appointment with my Ob to have the Amino centesis procedure done, and was scheduled to have my c- section the following day. The hospital that I was going to have the baby requires that it get done with all c- sections to make sure the development of the baby is well.

and of course me being me I was freaking out thinking the worst. Imagine a giant needle going through your belly. So as much as I wanted to cry I held it in as good as I could. What really helped was Tony and his mom went with me and as much as they tried to distract me it wasn't working. The only thing that did was the joy tony's mom got out of watching a helicopter get washed outside the window.

In comes the doctor, they did an ultrasound to find a pocket of fluid that was good enough to collect. Turns out I had hardly any fluid left. So the doctor goes a head and tells us that we might as well do the c- section today. Talk about being unprepared. I thought I was going to have one more day to take care of the little things like do some last minute shopping for some things I needed while in the hospital. And more importantly get the house cleaned and ready for when we bring the baby home. I was told to wait and the doctor was going to call the hospital and get everything set up.

the procedure was not as bad as I thought it would be, until I stood up and started to get cramps and contractions. At this point I started to cry, 1, because I was in pain and 2, talk about a surprise. I had a c- section before so I knew what I had to look forward to. And what made it all worse was I was so far away from my family. Sure Tony and his family were there and they are part of my family. But there not my family, I wanted my mom, my dad and more importantly hazel and Julius.

So they walk us over to the Hospital (the doctors office was right across the street and connected to the hospital.) and check me in. So I get settled into a room to answer questions and wait till the doctors are ready to do the c-section.

And here is where Tony decided to start a mini fight with me. All over the cable bill and switching service. It is under my name so of course I am the one who has to do it. So I am on the phone with a customer service rep and I'm repeating word for word to Tony what she is saying to me. I understood it all. Tony didn't so he bitched about it. I explained it to him again and he still didn't get it. In comes his attitude, I wanted to throw him out of my room at this point he seriously pissed me off. But I decided to let it go, I'm getting ready to have a baby and I didn't want to fight or hurt his feelings by doing so. Plus his mom was there, cant fight in front of his mom.

I was told that by 1:00pm we would be ready to go. Another girl was having problems and needed an emergency c-section so I had to wait longer. Finally at 4pm we were ready to go. So they take me to the operating room and start to administer whatever it is the needed to numb me with. Damn doctor was having problems find a pocket in my spine and had to poke me several times. Once he finally got it I laid on the table to wait. I felt like I wanted to throw up and worst of all I couldn't move.

they let Tony in cause he couldn't be in there while I was getting preped and then for a few minutes he sat there and I laid there while the doctor did his job on getting this little girl out. Few more minutes pass and I hear the doctor say there she is lets get her out. And within seconds I hear her cry. August 10th at 4:39 pm Kaci Rebekah Mauricio was finally here.

I wanted to see her right away but my guts are everywhere and there's a huge sheet blocking my view. One of the nurses asked me if I wanted to see her. Like I'm going to say no !!!! Bring her. She was beautiful, she reminded me of hazel in a way. I didn't even get a chance to hold her. Off to the nursery she went.

so here I am laid out with guts all over the place and the doctors carry on a conversation while I'm getting put back together. One of the doctors brought a soda in the O.R. so they were telling him he was going to get in trouble. And he proceeds to tell everyone he didn't bring it in its right outside the door let someone say something to him and he's going off. Leave it to me to get some doctor bitching about how he'll go off on anyone. Can never escape the ghetto I swear!! He sat there for another two minutes and then said if you don't need me I am leaving and took off. After that the conversation was tie her up tight. Then I was taken to the recovery room where I would wait another 2 hours till I see kaci.

I stayed a total of three days in the hospital and Tony stayed there with me. Only leaving to eat and get some things that we needed for kaci. kaci is doing real good. I decided to breastfeed her and that was hell at first but now we pretty much have it down. I couldn't be more happier with this little girl. I forgot what's its like to have a newborn and fall in love with someone so tiny. Another plus is she's got Julius' eyes !!!!!!!!!!! There like a grey blue. So my kick ass genes continue to kick out kids with colored eyes !!

I have blog friends and you don't !!

Is what Tony told me the other day. My answer was I don't need stupid blog friends !!! That whole conversation sounded so kindergarten... No surprise tho since all we do is joke around. And I wouldn't have it any other way. He's a blast to be with.


So life sucks, I am here at the moment waiting for Kaci to be born. I can honestly say that time is dragging its feet slowly. I am not used to just sitting around and doing nothing. I'm either working or going to school or chasing after 2 monkeys or with my friends. And to go from all that to doing nothing is pretty hard. So I spend my day sleeping eating and watching T.V. Cant go anywhere cause I don't have the car and I'm not about to step out the house in this heat.

I find myself getting home sick sometimes. I miss my mom, kids and some of my friends. Don't get me wrong I am really liking Austin I just hate being inside all the time. I am hoping it will be different after the baby is born and once summer is over we will be able to roam around.

what I am really looking forward to is there might be a chance that I can go back to cali to visit. What sucks about is that I would be going alone, well not totally alone of course Kaci will go with me. It's all still up in the air but I'm hoping it will work out.

I am such a lazy blogger. I barely got a few lines down and already I'm ready to quit..As I have said millions of times I'm going to try to blog more often.

I woke up this morning out of the blue wanting to do two things. One work on my my space page cause there is still lots of stuff needed to be done to it. And two blog. If you look at my other post you will know that I only blog once a month or something like that. But if I have this thing I might as well put it to use.

Another thing that was on my mind this morning was my grandparents. Both of them have past away. My grandfather and age 56 (I think) of a heart attack. He was at his house in Santa Monica with my grandmother, my mom then 11 and my aunt then 8, when he started having chest pains. By the time the paramedics got there it was to late he was gone.

and my grandmother at age 72 (again I think). To me it seems like she just stop caring. Stop taking her meds and got sick ended up in a nursing home.

On the night she died she requested food which was unusual because she had one of those feeding tubes. She wanted it out and wanted to eat. The nurse went to get her a plate came back and she had passed away.

This blog is not about how they died though, it is more about how they met and the things that I was told by my family on how they were together.

My grandmother is from San Antonio Texas She was born and raised There. A true Texan through and through. Now here is where I get mixed up and no matter how many times they explain it to me I stll forget. Either her father or mother was German Jewish and the other was Hispanic, they got together and had a bunch of lil Mexican Jewish kids my grandmother being one of them.


My grandfather is from the capital of Mexico el D.F. who settled in California. His side of the family has always seemed to be very wealthy and involved in Mexican politics. Such as Councilmen, Governors and so on. Because he passed away so early and the fact that I am the youngest in that generation of grand kids I missed out on a lot. So I really don't have much info on this side of the family. I do know 2 of his sisters and one of his brothers who was my godfather, I didn't even find this out until years later after he had passed away. But he was always my favorite uncle a very sweet man with a kind heart who looked a lot like my grandfather. And this side of the family has deep real estate roots. They all were agents. Which I find funny because I myself and strongly considering going into that field. As my aunt told me, "It's the Osio blood in you baby." But that's a whole different story.


So she's from Texas and he's from California how did they meet?? You know I'm 24 years old and never in my years here dealing with my screwed up family did I bother to ask how they met. It wasn't until very recently I asked my mom, and when she told me I was shocked. Why because the story is not exactly the same but it is very similar to my life now. Just backwards and with different people. And who introduced them shocked me even more.


Pedro Infante. He is a Hispanic actor/singer. Very popular back in the day. My grandfather was into entertainment. If I remember correctly he had his own radio show,one of my favorite all time pictures of him is a black and white photo of him doing a broadcast. That is the photo that I would look at the most and wish he was still alive so I can meet him.

Turns out my Grandfather was his manager(or something like that)and was on tour with him when they made there stop in San Antonio. I was my grandmother's Birthday and Pedro Had her come up on stage and sang happy birthday to her and had her party backstage with them.

So from there my grandparents met. Hung out as much as they could while he was in town and fell in love. When my grandfather left San Antonio he took my grandmother with him. They got married in California and had two beautiful girls ( who are now ugly witches...J/k ) my mother and my aunt.

But my grandpa had other kids from a previous marriage. He had two boys who I'm guessing were around the ages of 11 maybe 13 when they got married. It's funny cause the family photos we have of their wedding day (they didn't do the whole big wedding thing just got married by court) she is posing with my uncles and they don't look happy at all. They have that get me away from this bitch look on their faces. It cracks me up everytime I see it.

so with two teenage boys and little girls they settled in Santa Monica California. Just before I moved to Texas my mom and aunt were filling me and my cousin on how life was in that house.

all my grandpas brothers and sisters would come over after work and my grandmother would fix them something to eat. And then it was time to drink !!! The liquor store knew them all by name and would deliver to the house. Don't get me wrong they were not alcoholics with a problem they just liked to get fucked up! What cracks me up even more is on of my aunts was a nurse and she had a medicine cabinet full of pills she would arrange them neatly and have pills labeled by color and quantity and effects. When they all got together she would pass out pills. Or if someone was feeling bad or tired there she was with her pills.

So basically they were a bunch of pill popping drunks...LOL. Until he passed away.


And that's it that's the story of my grandmother and grandfather getting together. I still wonder why I woke up this morning thinking about that. But it is what was on my mind and I just wanted to get out.

Random bull crap

I saw a peacock today !!!!!! yay me.

don't u just love saying peacock!!! I do peeeeeeeaaaaacock !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used a peacock portapotty Ewwwwwwwww!!!! Poor me

I saw the sunset on a hill in Austin and this place is a lesbian fest !!!!! There everywhere !!!!


and I have the reading rainbow song stuck in my head so I'm going to sing it !!!!


Butterfly in the ssssssssssky !!!!!!! I can go twice as highhhhh !!! Take a look its in a book reading rainbow !!!!! I can be aaaannnnyyyyyything !!!!!! Something something I forgot the words!! Reading rainbow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



thank you very much for your time !! Now click on the lil icon that say next blog and see what weirdo u get next. But let me promise u this. There not as good as me..

Part 2 !!!!!

Dude I fuckin hate these people ... And I say this now because some of them are really fuckin nutts . This is part 2 of my post the one where I fill you in on all the weirdos I work with. And what an appropriate time to blog about the newest weirdo in the pack.



okay Tony just brought up a good point

** all names have been changed to protect myself in case one of them comes across my blog !!



**slimey slut

She has been scheduling pet scans for 5 years and she is in nursing school. Well schools out for summer and she's now back at work. Talking out of her ass and blaming everything on me and another girl who works there. Evil lil troll missing the stone on her belly. I'll blog about this one later...



**the only cool one

What can I say this girl kicks ass. We get along perfectly and so far she is the only one who has not in some way got on my nerves or driven me up the wall.


**well everyone will know who this is

my supervisor .. LOL he's cool and sometimes says things that will have u cracking up. A cool guy.


**food junkie

I have never met anyone who is so into food!! She seriously has some fat bitch moments. But don't get me wrong I love her to death. But everything is food this or god that food was good.. Or I ate this and it was soooo good. i.e.... She told me over the weekend she went to this carnival, now the first thing I think of is wow rides and games I wish I would of went. No she starts talking about the food. And here's another thing that had me dying with laughter. One of the doctors just got back from Greece ( he's so lucky !! ) and he put together this scrapbook and we were looking at it. it is full with beautiful pictures programs and so on. What's the first thing she points out . The pictures of the food.


**Ned Flanders

he's was a temp and he was running around with a Fanny pack telling everyone he was the new M.A. I kid you not he looked just like Ned Flanders and I knew there was something fishy about him from day one. He would say thing like me and my "partner" or " other half " and "life mate" that led me to believe he was gay. I am totally cool with that I have no problem with gay people. I love them to death my cousin is gay and I myself have been with a woman so who am I to judge. But things started getting freaky he would tell us his boyfriend was hung like a horse and that his ass was like a Greek god. And he gave a co worker a very raunchy business card. That was pretty much an I'm gay and willing to fuck here's my number call me type card. Something that you just should leave out of the work place. Not only that but he was fuckin lazy as hell and was always on the net or on the phone leaving me to do all the work. Thank god he's gone !!!




**Stripper girl !!!!!!

This girl claimed to have all her bills paid 3 month in advance . To own a house and have 3 very nice cars. And you claim to have all this and work as a temp? Turns out she was a real estate agent. But then we found out that she stripped at a few local clubs here in Austin. Not only that but this chick was a walking STD. After only knowing her for a day she tells me how into anal she is and a few other gross things.



** candy lady


her job is the most laid back. All this chick does is fill up candy bowls and talks to patients. Lucky her.


** brown pants girl

seriously this chick only wears brown pants. Maybe like the same 3 pairs I have yet to see her in anything else.


And then there's the doctors theres about 10 total. One of them I think is really hot he's tall cute and he has a pimp walk the only thing that kills it is his voice and the fact that I have someone already.

There's doctor motor mouth. Remember the micro machine commercials from the 80's? That guy that could speak a mile a minute? Dude this guy totally does that. He gives me a headache just hearing him ramble when he dictates. Funny thing is I caught him choke on his words once and I laughed so hard.

Another doctor sounds and sort of looks like the guy from the clear eyes commercials. The one with the slow voice who used to come out on the show Wonder years.

Then I think the other doctor is the guy from the butter commercials Country Cock. I'm going to record his voice and upload it so people can see I'm not crazy . I seriously think its him.


There's the young doctor who has massive hairy eyebrows. And another one who is the only female of the pact. And another one who is an ass and looks like a duck.

Then there's my favorite one. He is just a cute lil old thing. He wears Hawaiian shirts and cowboy boots. He's sweet and not afraid to say it like it is. He has even told us a dirty joke that had us cracking up.



And that's all I can think of at the moment. Those are the weirdos I work with. And thank god I'm done cause I have other things I would like to blog about. But this one took up a lot of my time. But these are the weird things I face everyday. I just hope none of them ever come across this.

I am a medical assistant been one for about 2 years now .. It sucks but its something that I sometimes enjoy doing and its is also a little experience to prepare me for what I plan to do in the future which is become a physician's assistant. Which again sucks because I would love to get that damn ball rolling but I have decided to wait until my children are all older so I can devote my time to studying and more importantly spend time with them.



So for now I am working as a temp ( blah!! ) at a oncology clinic here in Austin TX. Now I have worked for a general physician before this, and when they threw me in this oncology clinic I was in shock at some of the things I had seen.

for one I am used to working for 2 doctors. And here I work for 10. Thank god I am not alone. This is an extremely huge clinic. Takes up the whole 2nd floor has a place where the doctors see the patients 14 rooms total, infusion area which seats about 25- 30 patients, shot clinic, triage, a gyno side and a big waiting room, front desk and scheduling area and offices that belong to social workers and some staff. And come to find out there are 5 other clinics connected to this one spread out in different areas. Northwest Austin, Georgetown, Marble falls, Smithville, and one called NAMC which is were I am at today because someone called in sick I normally am at Central clinic, the head clinic and biggest one of them all.



2nd this job can sometimes really get to you. Some people come in looking healthy as ever and others come in looking like death. I am going to share some of the stories that I have heard and seen.


one day a new patient comes in and I was the one who assisted her that day. She was maybe in her late 30's sweet and funny as can be. She came with friends and family memeber for support.
So time goes by and I see her and her family in the scheduling area and I notice she is crying, I didn't have time to stop and talk to her but when I was at the M.A. desk I noticed a relative of hers there talking on the phone and I heard her say about how the doctor told her she only has about 6 months to a year to live because her cancer is not in one localized area but almost everywhere in her body treatment to get rid of it is not an option. The treatment she will be getting is to prolong her life. Another story that a co worker told me was about this older gentleman she was assisting that had lung cancer and had already had surgery to remove one of his lungs. He was having a hard time breathing and he reached over and told her he was tired of suffering and how she had no idea how hard it was to live his life this way.

it is truly a sad thing to see. Some of these people have dark futures ahead of them yet they remain so happy. They are the sweetest people you could meet. To see someone who weighs 70 pounds get so happy that they have gained a mere 3 pounds since they were last weighed is a joy yet so sad at the same time. or someone who lost all there hair because of chemotherapy get so happy that a few strand of hair are growing back.




okay I think this blog is getting way too long. So this is part one of my life at work. Part two is sooo much better its about the people I work with. These peole really crack me up ... Preview there's stripper girl and Ned Flanders and Rachel the crazy drug addict who got fired Monica the swinger 2 lesbians !!! And much much more.

Fuck that my uterus stays !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So far things seem to be going great. I am just going into my 7th month of pregnancy and so far I can still lay on my stomach but only for about 15 minutes. Today I went to meet the doctor who is going to deliver our baby. Well I saw another doctor but I did pass him in the hallway and I am sort of freaked out. He's pretty young and the first thing that came out of his mouth was something along the lines of " I don't give a Fuck mothafucka !" he said it in sort of a teasing singing way that cracked me up. And He was not talking to me he was joking around with is MA's and Tony didn't even hear it.



I will be having the baby C- section. And in a way I feel bad because I didn't even give Tony an option or discuss it with him. And here's why. I have had a c- section before because I had an infection and it was way to close to my due date so they decided to go along with a c- section. Now flash forward 5 years. The doctor was telling us that there is always a risk when having a baby ( no shit ) but this is pretty serious. Now I could have the baby natural but there is a chance my uterus could rupture ( OUCH !!) and then I would have to have a total hysterectomy. I want more kids well one more and I'm not going to take that chance. So I made my decision right then and there. Tomorrow will be very exciting because I go for my ultrasound and I pray to god that this kid lets us see if its a boy or a girl.

I am really looking forward to having this baby. My outlook on it has completely changed and I can't wait for it to arrive. As I have mentioned to Tony I have fallen in love with my baby. I guess it took some time to get to this point. The baby kicks like hell all the time. And I just cant wait to hold it and hear it cry. I am even looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night.

The jack in the box employees must think were poor !!!

LOL ........ I always knew Tony was cheap but I would cut him some slack thinking come on he cant be that bad .. Boy was I wrong.



a few weeks ago we were planning on going out and doing some sightseeing. I want to get to know the city I am going to be living in. Tony was suggesting all kinds of things we could do, and my answer was that I wanted to go and see the capitol. He got so excited and when I asked him why he was so excited the first thing that came out of his mouth was " because it's free."


Right up the street from where we live there is a jack in the box. We have been there a few times. We usually go at night since in the daytime neither of us our home. We always get the same cashier a young Mexican guy. So on one visit I was ordering a jumbo jack and I asked for cheese and Tony whispers to me " no get it without cheese we have cheese at the house." so no cheese it was.. So every visit its jumbo jacks with no cheese and then I ask for a cup for water.

Me being pregnant I crave almost everything so when Tony mentioned that the store where he works sells fruit cups I wanted one and I told him bring me one his answer was " there 2.99!!" 2.99 for fruit honestly Tony don't be so cheap !! But the kid came through and brought the fruit. But I'm pretty sure he bitched about silently.


now Tony mentions in his blog about how he's going to get drunk this weekend. But what he fails to mention is who's the one who's gonna buy the beer for him. Of course not him because he's tooooooooooo damn cheap so I'm going to break down and buy for him

A dream i had on 03-27-2005

i came across this in another blog that i had it was the only post so here it is ................





So I had a weird dream last night. it started out that I was coming out of a building and I see this lady with bright red hair in a hospital gown, she's dead. We never spoke a word to each other but I know what she's saying and what's supposed to happen.

She has me follow her to some place a street corner and she shows me her lying down on the floor with fire fighters helping her. I see her leave her body and walk off. So I follow her and she's freaking out as we walk down the street there are people yelling at her to get away the area is there's. she is scared of them. she's looking back and as she turns around she sees a dead dog

these people are dead there not all ugly looking or weird looking, they look normal its just some how I know there all dead .

The dog is total spirit form and is a chow this scares her and its the end of the dream. the thing i wonder is how did she end up in the hospital gown. did she die at the hospital and just left her body on the street corner? because in the beginning of the dream the building i was leaving was a hospital

I really don't know where to begin with this post. So much has happened since I blogged last. I guess I can start with my wonderful time at the airport and work my way from there.


Now of all the days for everything to go wrong. I had bought my tickets for a direct flight to Austin, I didn't want to go through all the hassle of having to switch planes with two kids it would just be too much to handle. I cant remember when my flight from LAX left that morning I think 11:30 am. I guess when traveling with bags that u need to check u have to be there and checked in at a certain time. My luck I was one minute over that time. And all because of fuckin parking !!!

So I couldn't get on my flight so we were put on stand by. Well we were at the airport since 10:30 am and we finally got on a plane around 3:40pm and with 2 kids I was dying. So the new plan was fly from L.A. to Dallas/fort worth and then from there fly to Austin. But it didn't work out that way. A part of the plane was not working because it was so cold so they had to replace it and it was going to take about an hour. Then to top it off the plane had ice on it and they had to send it to some part of the runway to get it off but there were about 30 other planes waiting also. By this time I was thinking okay how many more signs do I need that this is not a good idea.


So we got there around 12:30 am tired and cold the roads were icy. I have never seen anything like it in my whole life. Went to bed. Woke up the next morning and went to our new apartment. My kids loved it and they warmed up to Tony pretty quick. I knew they would like him. But I was extremely shocked when they would ask if he could spend the night.

So for the moment all was well. Well not really. Everyone back in cali was trying to talk me into coming back. Then all the drama started to go down. Alex ( the father of my kids) was giving me hell. Calling me all the time telling me to bring them back. That I was going to sink him into depression. Now I had to look at it from his point of view. And if that was me I would of gone crazy. So I knew where he was coming from. One night we had a conversation that maybe the kids should stay with him until I had the baby. So I told him I would think about it. So I had decided that it would be best. I mean my mom is out there all of hazel's friends and everything they have ever known. But at the same time I was dying cause there my babies and I cant live without them. So I got an extra week with them and then Alex came out here and got them.


Now talk about going insane. I miss them I never thought I could miss something so much. And to make it worse as soon as the asshole got what he wanted he back to acting like the true dick he has always been. Lately I have hardly talked to them. I have had one major breakdown since they left and many more but I'm pretty good and keeping my emotions in place. But the truth is I really don't know how much more I can handle. When I think of them I can only hear one thing that my ex sister in law told me A little girl needs her mother. And to make it worse when I did talk to Julius my son he asked me where I was and I told him I was at home he replies ur not at home home is here with me I need you mommy come home. My god those words killed me. My choice is a simple one I'm going back to cali and Tony is just going to have to come with or stay here. But either way nothing is stopping me from going back. As long as my kids are there I am going. and to put the cherry on top of this fucked up cake I have to go through all these emotions while I'm pregnant.

But on a happier note I'm pregnant !!! And I'm loving that I am here with Tony were having a good time. We heard the baby's heartbeat the other day and I couldn't of been more happier that everything is so far okay with the baby. Plus this baby is always moving and I enjoy feeling it move around. But sometimes it can get annoying. We already have the names picked out if its a girl her name is going to be kaci Rebecca but Rebecca spelled differently. The middle name is after my sister. And if its a boy its going to be Dylan milo. I'm feeling milo and I hope I spelled it right.

Now work uggghhh !!! My boss called me out of the blue one day and was like hey would u bill for me if u can access the site so I did and I could and I got a fax set up so she could fax me some bills and she's has yet to do it. I need money, plus I need something to do she's going through an audit right now so she's busy. But damn it's getting annoying and wasting my time!!!!! And to top it off she has her daughter billing and she's doing it all wrong . Every claim she's submits is being denied.

So thats it for now. Sort of catches up to where I am now. ther is more but I hate doing long posts so I will save the rest for later.

My last Cali post

Awwwww. Okay so I'm really emotional about leaving my home town. For years it has been all I have ever known but at the same time I'm very excited!!




Sofia is one of my best friends , well really my only. She is the only one that I have not had a falling out with we have been there for each other when ever we needed each other. I have been trying to spend as much time as I could with her. So today she calls me and tells me she's going to drop off a bag that I left in her car. So she pulls up to my house and I get my bag and she tells me is this it am I never going to see u again ? Aww we both wanted to cry and I told her no I will go by ur house in the morning and say goodbye. Dude !! How am I going to handle it I'm ready to cry right now !!!


and tomorrow I am going to do one of my most favorite things ever. I'm going to the beach and sit by the water and just think. I have been saying that I am going to do this all week but I haven't found the time but that is the first thing on my to do list.




Then there is saying goodbye to Lori. Lori is my ex boss but really my second mother. She has taught me so much and opened my eyes up to a whole different world. I wouldn't even be able to explain it to anyone who asks. They would think I was crazy if I went into detail. But she helped me understand things about life and myself.


and I am going to finish the night off by spending time with my family. I mean it's not like there never going to hear from me again, but its just I'm going to a strange land to be with in there eyes a stranger. LOL I find that so funny. But as I have said to them and my Dad I am a very strong person and I can handle anything that comes my way and they shouldn't worry.