P.S.

the girl is also worried about having a nose twitching breakdown and going crazy and running down a major street butt naked ..lol but she rrreeeeaaalllllyyyy hopes that dosent happen to many people know that ass !!!! god im so weird !! and also are there any people out there that still just let u vent without the convo turning into them ? plus i want ice cream. and a hott bath. and a fuckin stress free life!! oh u know what would be awesome if i had a fairy godmother then i could aske for anything i want. what would u ask for if u had a fairy godmother ? thats a good one. i'd ask for a new job. to live a sweet life with the one i am just crazy about. and good sex for the rest of my life. cause in allies book good sex is a must . and healty kids , beautiful healhty kids. and a nanny. AND AS IF LIFE COULD NOT JUST GET WORSE MY FUCKIN KITCHEN CATCHES ON FIRE !!!! 1ST THE BUTTER NOW THIS.. THANKS ALOT FAIRY GODMOTHER!!!!!!!!!!

there once was a girl ......

there once was a girl who was so tired of her life she felt like ending it. she felt like as the days go by her world is just crumbling down to nothing. this poor girl feels like shes stuck at the bottom of a dark cold damp well screaming for help and no one is even bothering to look. and that one person who reaches out there hand to help she cant reach cause her demons are pulling her away.

there once as a girl who was so depressed about every single thing in her life she was afraid to see what the next day held for her. so afraid that if one more thing went wrong it would allow her to swallow one more pill or cut a little deeper.

shes so suprised at the fact she can smile to everyone and tell them shes fine but deep down shes dying or is already dead. how she dreams every night of her mother and waking up the next day hoping that mom would call and comfort her like she did when she was younger. only to wake up and let days go by without nothing.

this poor girl needs help.. the only one who can help her is herself but how can she help herself when shes ready to give up and die.

Sometimes things just bite u in the ass !!

Life is but a bowl of cherries people. Or was Forrest right when he said life is like a box of chocolates... U never know what ur gonna get. Shit sucks for allie, and she just cant wait till it all gets better. I saw something that hurt me today. And my reaction was very suprising. And as much as it hurt im still gonna be happy damnit and clap my hands * clap clap *..lol ah im such a nut. That's whats so kick ass about me but at the same time my weakness. the way i can just " oh well" shrug things off but deep down I know it kills me. I really need to learn how to express my feelings better. But oh well that's allie's life for now I guess .

on a different note work.. Good lord I wanna choke that Jamaican!! So I get there and tell Maria that I want to leave early cause its my sons b day. And she's jumps in and says I wanna leave early too. So as soon as Mrs. henney gets there she's hits her up and says she wants to leave early ..blah blah blah so Mrs. henney says yes. And I was thinkin damn now I have to stay. So I wait like 5 mins and then I ask her and she says yes, but then she gives me hell "what did I tell u about leaving early ? You have to let me know before hand like weeks before " being a total its okay for Maria to leave but not allie ? And then time goes by were talking hours and then I hear that bitch say oh allie just found out it was her sons birthday. Like Michael Jackson she wanna be startin somethin ! So I fuckin had it. Went into her office and said u got a problem ? ..LOL she was like no and I said look I thought out the kindness of ur heart u would understand and let me leave a lil early. I could of requested the day off but I choose not to. But if its a problem I will stay.
and that was that. fuck everyone. The day is approaching and I just cant wait .... Its gonna be so sweet for me. What is the day what day am I talking about. The day I say fuck every last single person that's involved in my life.. LOL and I mean everyone. But not u..LOL well yes u and u know who u are but the others no...LOL

I love my blue pen

This is truly sad but at the same time I am proud cause I am very forgetful and I lose everything but for the past 2 months I have held on to this blue pen. And its not just any old blue pen its like a really pretty navy blue.. kinda I don't know how to describe it but its nice. But this is the kicker about it its say in white pretty writing Didi Hirsch CMHC and has the number. Its a Community Mental health Clinic . Leave it me to have it and hold it for that long and when ever anyone sees it or uses it there like aww that a cool pen and when they see that damn didi name they look at me funny and are like ohhh what are u doing with this. I got it from some chick passing them out.

lmao work just gets better and better !!!!

so this morning was fuckin so funny it just gets better and better LOL well no I'm lying its not getting better and better but this shit was tooo funny. Okay so I had only an hour into my day and Mrs henney arrives and I am on the phone with another dr's office trying to schedule an appointment for a patient when some old Jamaican couple comes in. No I guess to make money on the side or as she claims just being nice and helping people from her hood ( Jamaica) she helps them with there immrgration issues.

so in comes the little couple and I guess he mailed off his passport to immrgration office so he needs a new one. Well his wife was a trip she was walking around with a bible and as soon as she comes in she starts trippin on Mrs. henney. And so Mrs. henny puts her on check a lil bit but im not really there cause I'm on fuckin hold for what seems like forever.

so they all walk out of her office and she gets on the phone near the reception window and she's speaking to someone on the phone. And then I hear the lady jump up and say that's a lie. She scared the hell out of me and this lady is getting all up in henney's face telling her shies a liar and so henney is all up in hers and tells her lady please sit down and shut the fuck up but the other lady keeps going on and Mrs henny yells at the top of her lungs just shut the fuck up woman !!

shut ur stupid ass up and shies yelling it over and over again and im cracking up and finally Mrs. henny is like get the fuck out my building. So she goes the y settle what ever it was that needed to be settled.

so later on that day a patient calls in to make an appointment. Now he sounded a lil fruity but I didn't pay any mind. So I get his name and its Michael. So I do what needs to be done. And I hang up, Maria asks me who was that and I said some dude named Michael and she tells me no its Karina and IM like no Michael thinkin maybe shes thinkin of his sister and she said no its Michael but he goes by Karina and she goes on to tell me that hes a she aka transvestite and im thinkin yay!! and she tells me about how he as gone in there with skirts and pink wigs. So I'm really looking forward to seeing this one tomorrow.

Another weird Sunday

This Sunday that just passed was pretty active for me. In the afternoon there was a festival on a major street here in LAO that they through every year for the people in my area. So I decided to take the kids. We had lots of fun the highlight of the day was seeing Julius jump in the jumper it was funny because he's so little compared to the other kids. At one point he was jumping and having a good time and a bigger kid came and was jumpin next to him and he flew so high in the air ...LOL I was cracking up.

I got my card read for a local physic named Helena ( I love that name ) . Now call me a sucker but I am totally inot the whole physic and paranormal thing I cant get enough of it. So she asks me to think of 3 things that have been troulbing me, and I do now she has me pick 3 cards. She tells me that my aura a dull grey and that's very bad. And its true I have been feeling down lately so she gives me this body wash to use that she made with all her junk I guess. Also there is a lot of negativity around me and that 2 people are bringing me down and that she can look into her big ass candle and tell me their names and all there info.. LOL I cant wait for that I told her that I will go in next week to find this out. I know who one is but the other I have no fuckin clue. Also she says she connects with spirits of people who have passed on. And I really want to see who comes through. I am just curious.

Sunday evening was our annual get together at the rainbow on sunset strip right next to the rosy. For one of my most beautiful and lovely friend gabby. We had fun but me and Sofia got there kinda early (10:00pm) and so we only stayed for a while and the took off. And we hit the usual spot the tattle tale.... LOL several vodka tonic's, jack n cokes and even a Cisco we headed to jack n the box . And I have to stop waiting so long to blog about these stores cause then I forget everything. Oh well tho

Damned all to hell !!

so on Friday just a few minutes shy of finally getting away from the jamaicans the phone rings and I hear Maria ( the chick who works there and sometimes annoys the hell out of me ) say oh no are u serious !! And I am thinking okay family emergency? LOL guess again allie. As if my life were not as fucked up as is at the moment, there was a mix up with to lab cultures. Now for those of u who don't know what a culture is , it's when the doctors swabs u throat or a opened wound. Well because I was in such a hurry to go I guess somehow these to patients cultures got mixed up and created all this drama and took about a week to get it all back and it was a pin in the ass . Work is a pain in the ass this lady has issues.. LOL evil ppl and this is the end of the work blog.

simple kind life

For a long time I was in love

Not only in love I was obsessed

With a friendship that no one else could touch

It didn’t work out, I’m covered in shells

And all I wanted was the simple things

A simple kind of life

And all I needed was a simple man

So I could be a wife

I’m so ashamed, I’ve been so mean

I don’t know how it got to this point

I always was the one with all the love

You came along, I’m hunting you down

Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight

And all I wanted was the simple thingsA simple kind of life

If we met tomorrow for the very first time

Would it start all over again?Would I try to make you mine?

I always thought I’d be a mom Sometimes I wish for a mistake

The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get

You seem like you’d be a good dad

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life

How’d I get so faithful to my freedom? A selfish kind of life

When all I ever wanted was the simple things A simple kind of life

Quick update

I haven't blogged in a while. Funny thing is I just updated on Thursday night and was completely done and was just about to hit the publish button when the chick that sits next to me hits the computer switch that controls hers and mine off. It was a long blog too. One bout all the drama and everything new going on with me. And I am just to lazy to do it all over again. So I'm just going to blog about the way I am feeling.


considering everything that has been happening these past 2 or 3 weeks I have every right to feel the way I am feeling. It just seems that everything gets worse. Like there's never going to be a silver lining to my cloud. I am truly depressed. And I hate feeling this way. Although my biggest stress of my life was lifted off my shoulders it is still very much there. Just maybe 2 pounds lighter but from that 50 extra pounds are now on my shoulders ...LOL leave it to me to come up with some stupid shit that makes no sense. I was here in the house today 1st day off in what seems like forever and I was thinking about everything and I wonder is everything really worth it ? eaning is my life really worth anything ? So here I am looking at it from every angle thing of thing I have done in the past & present and wondering what the future holds and thinking about how things have become pretty routine for me. Something that I hate. I don't know what it is but I am in such a down mood very unhappy and gloomy.

I noticed that lately I have been very worried about my health too. Maybe it has to do with seeing and hearing people with their health issues that has me so worried about mine. I really don't know. I guess IM not to sure about anything anymore. I just have to wait and see how things go and what direction I want to go in and how to get there. LOL if there was a way u could take a brak from ur self I would jump on it. I just hate being in these kind of moods and I hope to get out of it before it gets worse. But I'm no jackass well I take that back I am a jackass but I am not a stupid one. I would never hurt myself.

Another turtle blog

so yesterday I had to use the bathroom so I tell my daughter to watch my son while I go take a 1015. My son is a lil demon and gets into everything he's going to be 4 in June so those with kids know that at this age there a hand full. So I go and come out and sit back on my couch and notice my son acting weird carrying his candy grab bag from a party from the night before.

I really think nothing of it and keep going on about my business. I'm reading my magazine and something tells me too look up and I see my son smiling at me standing next to my T.V. so I smile back but then I realize he had his hand in the turtles tank.. So I flip out cause if a turtle is on its back for to long they could die ( I heard that from somewhere don't know how true it is).

so when I get up to check him he has a massive piece of chicken in his tank. My lil angel thought it would be nice to feed him chicken so I panic thinking oh my god my turtle is going to die. So I'm telling Julius no what are u doing and he's yelling over and over jumping up and down I'm sorry mommy I'm sorry mommy !! I'm trying to pull the turtle out the tank but he's holding on to the chicken and he doesn't want to let go I had to pull the chicken and the turtle out at the same time and pry the chicken out of lil fiddys mouth his water was greasy he smelled like chicken.

when I went to the kitchen I noticed all the chicken I had made for dinner was gone and I was looking for it and I couldn't find it so when I asked Julius where's all the chicken he would say fiddy ate it. I would ask hazel and she would laugh and say I don't know. It turns out all the chicken was in his candy bag he had put it there so he could feed the turtle with out me knowing.

as for fiddy he loved the chicken he was all in a good mood after he ate it. Swimming around crawling everywhere. The most active I have seen him since I got him.

The golden girls

So the other night I was watching T.V. late at night when I saw that the golden girls were going to come on. At first I was like ugh no, but then I said oh you know what for the hell of it I'll watch it. So I caught the ending of one episode that I remember seeing when I was younger. The golden chicks were throwing a party with nothing but pure men there old men too. And Dorothy was outside with rose's boyfriend and they kissed and that lil old lady Sofia saw it all .. LOL I cant believe I got into it and waited through the commercial and beginning credits to finish watching it. So they do the whole last time on golden girls thing. Now for those who don't remember there were 4 of these hot old lady's. It was rose the dingy one , blanch the horny one Dorothy the leader ( who I always thought was really a man she was a big ol lady) and then the little crazy one Sophia who has attitude. LOL I wonder if all Sophia's have attitude one of my good friends is named Sophia and she's oh my god that's another blog all together. ( I've tallyed it up I owe counting this one 3 blogs on my weird friends & family) and then I remember there was a spin off show from the golden girls like about there neighbors or something one of the chicks even makes a guest appearance and Sofia slams the door in her face. Well anyways I had a dandy ol time watching it and if I'm ever awake I'd watch it again its like a seniors citizens sex and the city . LOL and now everytime I do watch it I'm going to think of Dan. Cause he was 30 !!!!!! When they were on T.V. .. LOL olive juice yah Dan I just had to throw that in..

For the record ppl

okay Dave havock is not gay hes fuckin hott . So ignore the link on my profile titled gay guy singing hes hott , and talented and screw u u homo tony u bitch hater !!!!!! click on it and it takes u to the bands site AFI ...lol tony no more passwords fo u foo !!!

I almost lost someone dear to me ......

okay I am sick. Have a pretty bad case of the stomach flu. See last Friday the hennys were going to Florida for a trip. Well they caught this stomach flu and brought it to the office. So I am the only one who comes down with it. They were out for a few days this week. Well I started to feel it on Tuesday and by the time Wednesday rolled around I was so sick .. And it didn't help for the past few days I have been eating these nasty ass nachos from the gas station across the street but there good and I plan on buying more tonight....LOL. So I left work around 12pm on Wednesday and skipped school. My partner in crime wanted to go out drinking but I couldn't handle booze .

so today I called in sick slept it off a lil and now I am at school. Feeling a lil better I have been drinking lots of water and 7 up. So that's that one.

okay let me ge to the title of the blog. Last night my heart broke for a second. And it is true that when u think someone is dead u kind have that instant flash of the good times and how life is after their gone and what are u going to do and tell everyone. Last night as I was in the kitchen I happened to look up to the top of the fridge where I keep lil fiddy.(for those who don't know that's my turtle) I keep him up on the top of fridge cause my son messes with him. Julius can not reach him when he's up there.

so I glance at him and he looks stiff and white. And I freak, so I tap the glass and say fiddy. He's not responding. So I'm thinking oh shit !! And the flash begins back to the 1st day I saw him, our fun times and them him laying lifeless and white under the water. Then I think oh my what am I to tell the kids? How do I get rid of the body? Can I flush him down the toilet ? Or should I bury him? Dude I'm sad I wanted to cry so I go tell Vern (I'll explain who Vern is later). And he is sad also.

so I go back and check one last time and I noticed he has an eye open. So I pull him out of his water and he wakes up and is happy to see me. He was not dead just in a very deep sleep. So I change his water hold him for a bit and then put him back in his cage. So fiddy is fine.

also I cut my hair last night. It was driving me crazy. Okay there my update..

now leave me alone!!!

The world is full of pricks and I had to fuckin find the biggest one

time to bloc about a son of a bitch that I wish I never fuckin met. The baby's daddy may he rot in hell for the rest of his sorry worthless life. I must have been such a bad person in my past life to get stuck with some of the shit I have to deal with now. I mean seriously is the fuckin drama ever gonna end. Will shit ever be easy for me ? I am at my breaking point I'm ready to fuckin explode. If killing myself were an option I would fuckin take it. Put truthfully its not worth it and fuckin retared you cant ran away for u or your problems u need to face them head on.

so this bitch tells me that I am selfish. Maybe I am , but like I said before I have always looked out for others and been walked on so now the hell with everyone fuck them all. I am tired of it. Tired of this asshole. If I could kill him and get away with it I would. I have so much hate for this person its unbelievable. I try to keep it cool with him but his comments piss me off so I verbally abuse him only because he does it to me. My kids are the ones who suffer and I hate to see that. My son is sick and because I am a selfish Lila bitch I need to learn my lesson. Which means.... Okay here's the story.

so I am never at home I leave in the morning got to work come home for about 40 mins for lunch go back to work. Leave there and then go put in like 2 hours @ job number 2 then got to school from 6 - 10 pm then go home. The only real free time I have is weekends. And I do this all is because I want better for my family . Its a sacrifice that only I am willing to make. Now according to Mr fuckin wonderful I take on too much true I do but I do it all know cause in the future it will pay off I'm young why wait till later. Yes he is here to help me, thank god he could of been an ass like most men are and walk out and never look back. But because I am doing all this he says I keep him for some of the things he wants to do. Now here's what I ask over and over . What is it you want to do ? Sit on your ass and watch judge Judy ? Or roll form your left side to your right ? Seriously..

He claims I have changed since I started taking care of things...Meaning going to school... And all that crap.. Yes I'm not going to lie over the past 3 years I have changes I'm not even the same person I used to be but its for the better. And because I am doing what I got to do to become something and provide a better life for my kids he sees that as a threat. He has low self esteem I feel bad. There's more to this story he's sick diagnosed with something very rare here in the US neurosistersocosis in English OMG I'll blog about it all in next entry too freakin long to get into detail. But ever since he got sick about maybe 5 years ago he's been very depressed and I don't give a fuck what kind of a mood you are in don't bring me down with you. geez I'm getting tired of complaining I feel like if I get more pissed than what I am I'm going to do something I am going to regret or wind up in the hospital...Why ? Because of my nose twitchin breakdown !!!!

i jacked this

† MUERTE †

she asked him if he liked her, he said no.

She asked him if she was pretty, he said no.

She asked him if he wanted her, he said no.

She asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said no.

So she turned and walked away, trying not to cry ...

He grabbed her arm and said ...I

don't like you, I love you...

You're not pretty, you're beautiful...

i dont want you, i need you...

and I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die.....

Ahoy.....I love the ghetto

this job is fuckin trippy. So Monday, Wednesday and Fridays are easy. Tuesdays and thursdays we see patients. So Monday my 1st day was a breeze. Now Tuesday was a different story. There counting me 4 people at this office. A husband and wife who are Jamaican also known as henny 1 and henny 2 . Then there's this lady from Belize. I am stuck with tropical people.

so anyhow Tuesday rolls around. Oh my god it was crazy. The doctor I used to work for was a hand and plastic surgeon in Beverly hills..Talk about a step down welcome to the ghetto.

this doctor ( who I will meet tomorrow) is a family practice doctor so he deals with everything. The highlight of my evening was this one lady. She said that when she called over the phone she was told if she brings a report of her pap smear that she just had from her old doctor can she just get her birth control. She's smokin crack cause shies a new patient she needs to be see by the doctor or physician assistant. So she get here and is raising a little hell. So I give her her paper work and tell her to sit down. We were so busy had a crap load of patients.

so every freakin 10 mins she's getting up asking if she needs to be seen and when cause she needs to go somewhere. So I ask henny 1 , and the physician assistant and the P.A. tells me to tell her in 2 hours...lol who's gonna hear it. Allie is, so I tell her umm its gonna be a while. So she's like fuck this let me talk to the office manager.

so I get henny 1 and she's like I was told blah blah blah. So henny 1 was like no u need to see the P.A. this chick says out loud u cant fuckin do a pap on me I have a yeast infection it itches and u cant do a pap on people when they have the cream in them.. henny 1 was like can u please lower your voice.. As loud as she can she's was like I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF THESE PEOPLE KNOW I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION AND MY SHIT ITCHES I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR GIMMIE MY PILLS SO I CAN ...U KNOW WHAT FUCK THIS AND FUCK U AND FUCK UR CLINIC GIMMIE MY SHIT AND IM OUT..

As my title god bless the ghetto... I feel so at home...LOL

Get ready for this one people its a novel

I was going to blog about someone but at the moment I'm stuck in my I'm pissy for no reason mood (well truthfully I know why I am pissy but I choose not to let it be known) So I decided to put that on hold and fill everyone in on my week.

(((remember I started this blog on the 22nd of April so FYI I am not pissed at this person anymore I have just not had the time to finish this cause its so long))

So the other day I went to pick up my daughter from school. And as I was waiting for her to get her junk together I decide to take a look at the class pet. It is a turtle.. Poor lil turtle her teacher was telling me that she's thinks its gonna die soon cause they don't take good care of it and she asked if I wanted to take it home. Feeling sorry for it cause it had almost no water in its little cramped tank I decided we could keep it. So here it is on my desk. I've always liked turtles there pretty cool. We have all decided on 2 names for this turtle but as for now one seems to stick better the other one. My friend Vern said that he's really small like a fifty cent piece. And we should name him lil fiddy. My daughter hazel said we should call him Mr.T. So here it is lil fiddy the turtle, Mr T (I pitty the turtle !!!!).

So I am going through a lot of drama with this school as I said in my last blog I was trying to drop the class.. So everytime I go to talk to this lady she's never around. So as I am making my rounds through this school I decide to go see Susan. Jackie was there and so we were all talking and Susan tells me to go on a interview the following day .

The following day I have this interview that I really don't want to go to. But I go anyways cause I just quit my last job and bills don't pay themselves. So to my surprise it's like right down the street from my house. Were talking like blocks away.

So I get there and its a cheesey little clinic, nothing compared to the other one I worked for and as soon as I get there the lady behind the desk is like Dolores we have been waiting for u! And I'm like what the hell? For one its Allie and 2nd I was supposed to be here at 10:15 . But she's says all this in one breath and runs of to go tell henny( the lady I interview with) that " Dolores " was here.

So I take a seat and I'm waiting forever and then this chick walks in and I remember seeing her around school. So I was like I wonder if this is Dolores? So she's waiting cause the lady behind the desk is on the phone. But from around the corner comes hen and she is looking right at me so I'm getting ready to get up and meet her but this chick goes flying by me and in to her office. Some of these M.A. bitches can be brutal when it comes interviews. Me, pff I could care less. But I was thinkin fuckin bitch ...LOL but then I was like its cool I am in no rush.

Here I am waiting again. And there taking a long time interviewing. Most places I went was like less than 7 mins. So finally this chick comes out and is like I know u we used to go to the same school together and I'm thinking yeah yeah ..blah blah so we talk for a second about nothing and then she's gone.

Finally my turn she was a pissy lady with an attitude asking me stupid question about a bunch of nothing. So I was thinking to myself please don't call me back.

I decided to skip school that night I was too tired to go plus I wanted to spend extra time with my little monkeys. So were playing around being goof balls when I got a phone Cal from my mom. She tells me not to freak out but she's in the hospital and she will be there for about 6 weeks ((and she tells me not to freak out about that )). I asked her what was wrong and I couldn't go to the hospital to be with her cause I had no one to watch the kids. She said once they give her a room she'll call me back and fill me in.

I find out she has pus in a pocket in her spinal cord form and infection on her arm that she did not take care of. The doctor said that they might have to operate. And if she hadn't came in when she did she would have been paralyzed permantly or dead in a matter of days. As if my life was not stressful enough already this comes in to play. Gee thanks god. <<>

So next day I'm off to see her when I get there she's tells me my aunt is on the way too. They have not seen each other in ages . So there like little school girls giggling and remembering the old days. But here I am wanting to know what's going on. When in comes the roomy .LOL so black lady named nukka. She seems cool but I wanted to pop her son for coping attitude with my mom LOL.

that Thursday night I had a hardcore attitude with everyone people where just annoying the hell out of me. So if I was rude to any of you ..Too fuckin bad deal with it !! No I'm playing I'm sorry.

Friday I'll make it quick cause I'm tired of bloging. I went to see my mom she's doing better the doctor said he's shocked at how good she's doing there is no need to operate and no need for an incision and drainage she's healing fine and that extremely rare in those cases((amen, like I told her only the good die young ..LOL)). And so when I go home I am told henny called and said I got the job I start Monday morning @ 10 am . DAMNIT!!! So I'm definitely gonna blog about my day cause I have a feeling its gonna be a weird one.

love wont let me wait

The time is right, you hold me tight

And love's got me high

Please tell me, 'Yes' and don't say, 'No'Honey, not tonight

Move a little close to me,

you owe it to yourself

And I will selfishly take a little for myself

And it's because of youThat love won't let me wait

Yeah, yeahThe time is right, turn down the lights

And take my hand, ooh, ooh, yeah

We'll take a flight and spend the night

In Wonderland

And I need to have you next to me in more ways than one

And I refuse to leave till I see the mornin' sun

Creep through your window pane

Because love won't let me wait

Not another minute

Ooh...ooh...ooh...yeah...yeah...

And I need your love so desperately and only you can set me free

When I make to you, we'll explode in ecstasyAnd I won't take the blame

That love won't let me wait

Yes I am a badfish too

So this entry is all about the person I love, and why I am so in love with him. He is the best thing that has pretty much ever happen to me, and I know that its not going to end there. It just seems as the days go by our love gets stronger. I sometimes tell myself wake up stupid it will never work but for some odd reason I cannot let it go.

He very understanding gentle and kind .. Something very rare now a days in men. And as much as I don't want to bloc this cause it will only make him big headed. He's extremely smart a hardcore math geek ..LOL. Who would have thought I would end up with a math geek that one still tickles my pickle.

he loves to be the center of attention as much as he tries to deny this, its true. I love his laugh and his voice even his pervy ways. I get a kick out of him. He's very into having a huge family and seems like he would do anything to please me.

I love it when we even fight. His voice is so sexy. Also he's has a bit of a ghetto side too and his family and friends crack me up.

basically what it boils down to is that I am madly in love with him everything he can say to me or do to me can only make me love him more. When I'm in a bad mood he cheers me up. Listening to him tell me how much he loves me makes me want him even more. Not only do I have those feelings for him I consider him my best friend one who I know I trust .

I can Tell him anything and we can just giggle about it like little school girls. He knows he can cry on my shoulder if Kamala scares him again. And if I tell him I'm in a rut and need to borrow money he'll hook me up with 5 bux so I can by me that burger king burger..LOL and if we cant find his apartment then its fine by me we'll be lost together. And if he pisses me off I'm chasing him down the street with only one shoe with that cow tazer.

I love you baby !!!!%3

Time to blog about nothing yay!!!

Nothing really exciting has been going on with me. All the drama in my life has somewhat passed and things are calm for now or are they ? I still find myself stressed out to the point where I will soon have a complete breakdown and check my crazy self into a mental hospital..lol its not that serious people calm down.

My nose has been twitching lately its pretty funny. I keep reminding my self to ask DrV why its doing that but then I forget (story of my life) and get caught up in the daily drama that is medical billing.

And since were on the subject can I just say it freakin sucks !! Today is Monday I have been trying to get out of this class since last week and what I mean by trying I mean drop out of it completely.

Stupid school. So this afternoon I will hopefully be out of there. There trying there hardest to keep me all because they want my money. Greedy people.

I'm severely stressed right now. I find myself questioning everything that's in my life at the moment. Some times I stress myself out over stupid lil things that I should not be stressing over but I can't help it.

I just hate being stuck in a rut and right now im so stuck.. stuck in what? That's unimportant to my blogger readers at the moment.. Then what's the point of blogging about if IM not gonna spill it?

Oh fine here it goes ( was that 3 questions ? Damn!! ) Recently I figured out what I am going to do with myself. I had no idea that it was going to be such a big thing and I caught myself questioning if I really want to go through it all. And I do. But now I have to wait till summer classes start and I hate waiting.

Then there is the fact that I had a job one that sucked ass and now I don't all because I couldn't stand the way this weirdo flipped his lid on me so is that really a stress? Yes it is bills need to be pawed.

Then there's this person in my life who attitude I can not stand who tells me that I am selfish and not thinkin about others which in a way is true but this is what I have to say about all that.

Fuck that my whole life I have been always catering to others needs.. Not to sound like I'm the shit or anything cause that's far from what I'm tying to get across. But I know I have potential and I'm not going to let anyone knock me down regardless of who they are. Like I said I have always tried to make others happy now its my turn to do what I need to do.

This person is very good at making me feel bad sometimes he is the poison to my brain and I feel bad that I see it this way. But that's what it is he has a way of turning things and people against me I know the real him and when others see him he puts on the I am an angel front

stresses me out to the fullest and is really no help..Let me take that back he is a help but there's a lot of issues there so I'll just stop that there. Anyways he's a true abuser and I mean mentally.

But I know who I am and his lil games do not work on me anymore.

Then there's my Texas stress..lol well not really that's just pure bliss.. But one thing Now more than ever since I'm not workin he knows I cant go out there but there's always that when are you coming to see me and gives me crap and a little bit of attitude.. Or the fact that we cant be together when we both really need a hug or love or just to get laid damnit!! But I love him

okay that is all for now