I have become the person I said I never would

A soap opera addict. its really sad. I'm going to take you back to when it all started......



When I was about 3 my mom made me watch them with her. She liked watching One life to live, all my children and general hospital. I cried the dayI had to start school because I would miss them all. I made my mom promise to tell me what happened.


As I got olderI forgot all about them. Still kinda kept informed cause I knew the main characters. That all changed when my co worker would sit at my desk and watch one life to live. Everyday as I am working she is at my desk watching. So of course i would watch too. 2 years later here i am hooked!!!!!!!!!!!


Hi.... my name is Allie and I am hooked on soap net...


There i said it!! I finally admit that I have a problem.. to the point where I have even started watching other soaps. I go to sleep with the TV on soap net and I wake up in the morning and watch it. I even gave up Grey's anatomy for one life to live. ( but i recently found away around that I can watch grey's on Friday and watch my Friday episode on Sunday morning) <---- ITS THAT BAD PEOPLE!!!


i am hooked

Saying I Love You till you turn black and blue is not enough sometimes

it can be weird sometimes. Forced almost. Actions speak louder than words. Actions and affection is better than an I love you. Anyone can tell you they love you and fake it. I'm more about actions.

As sad as I can ever be

And pissed off too. There is the ever long battle with the Ex on how I can be a bad parent and not "do my part" as far as paying him any form of child support.. Lets keep in mind that I just got back into the swing of things as far as working goes. And it is half way true that I should be busting my ass to make things work.

But the ultimate heartbreak for me is hearing my son tell me he has a new mom now because I'm not around. I can't even begin to explain this. There is no words. all I can say is that it makes me feel like I have failed. I am a terrible mother.

I have to walk on egg shells all because I'm worried that and have been told that I will not be able to talk to my kids anymore.

It's a situation that completely blows. No surprise why i feel the way I do sometimes.

And the one person who should be sticking by my side and making me feel better totally disses me by telling me my ex still owns me and doesn't talk to me. Telling me to fight and then a few months eariler tells me there's no point in fighting. confusing ? Very! Not understanding that in a flash he can keep my babies away from me. whats even more painful is the lack of support I am getting from him. He can see plain as day that something like this kills me. And he chooses to watch I love New York instead of comfort me really makes me lose respect for him. If it was him that was going through this I would be by his side drying his tears telling him it's ok. Points lost.. respect lost.

I'm hurt in more ways than one. I thank my mom for calling me and trying to cheer me up. She may not have been there in the past and our relationship mtight be crappy but she came tho for me tonight

LEAVE THE FUCKIN TOILET SEAT DOWN!!

Or at least put the damn seat down once your done!! i can't even begin to stress how annoying it is to wake up at 3 am and fall into the toilet all because SOMEONE cant be nice and remember to put it back down !!

what is the deal with men and toilet seats.. one of these days i hope you fall in there and get ur ass all wet with nasty toilet water !!



so if ur a guy and you happen to stumble upon this please be nice to a girl and

PUT THE SEAT DOWN !!

I'm really hating blogger !!!

I am Trying to work on fixing It up and doing my page on my own ..BUT it confuses me my space seems so much easier, you know its sad when Tony can out design me... god i need to stop competing with that kid.

So here i am frustrated and wanting to give up. BUT I'M NOT GOING TO!!! i will fix it up and it will look all pretty.. so if it looks like shit when you come across it, sorry folks

Why is it that I always get attacked ??

Seriously? What the hell ! All the other blogs I visit never have spam on there's. Why am i so unlucky? I attract the weird.. story of my life..


ANYHOW..................

Happy New Year !!


Got a new job.. yup it sucks, from day one I knew my new co worker would get on my nerves. She's 58 and very annoying, a drama queen who recently tried to start shit. shes old and slow, I'm a very fast and organized worker.

Friday she tells me we can't leave the office until everything is done. I told her no worries I am pretty much caught up and with a nasty attitude she tells me I don't think you understand me. I told her I did and I stick by what I said I will be done.

so what does she do run and tell the doctor I'm not being a team player.. of course i get a lecture from the doctor. how she wants no talking behind peoples back and she wants us all to get along... ugh people... I'm just going to stop here no need to get worked up..

let me vent why she annoying

1st all she does is talk talk talk...


2nd shes slow.

3rd it takes her 20 mins to make an appointment cause she has to tell patients that a doctor removed the gland that makes her vagina moist..FUCKIN GROSS!! NO ONE wants to hear about a 58 year olds vagina let alone hers !!!

she just sucks !!!!!

Getting married??

Complicated......I swear. So Tony and I are married but its the kind a of marriage that is only recognized by the state of Texas and no vows were never said. Am I happy with this ? NO !! Ever since girls were little they dream of their wedding and how beautiful and glamorous it will be. And I want a wedding like that. I want all the drama and headaches you get when planning the whole thing .

So I suggest to Tony that we get married. His answer, were all ready married. I explain I wanna go through it the right way and I get the little weird vibe from him. I start doing a little planning like where the reception should be held and and who should go but the more I start to plan the less he seems into it. YOU DON'T GET THE MILK FOR FREE DAMNIT !!!

I have decided to squash the whole thing. I am not forcing anyone into something they don't want to do. Plus if I am going to get married I want it to be totally traditional. I want to have him get on one knee ( that's another thing Tony said that since we plan on getting married he can skip the whole purposing and engagement ring thing... JERK!!) and have the beautiful wedding with my family around the way I always dreamed it would be.

I have been married before ( well sort of.... Long story deserves another blog all in it's own ). One of those shotgun weddings ...LOL me being the one with the gun held to my head. I just want it to be done the right way. I want my kids to be in the wedding and have my dad give me away to the man that I will spend the rest of my life with.

I guarantee that this will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ( that a lot of evers) happen. Like I said before I will never force someone into something they don't want to do. Who knows what the future holds .. But it won't hold a wedding that's for sure.