As sad as I can ever be

And pissed off too. There is the ever long battle with the Ex on how I can be a bad parent and not "do my part" as far as paying him any form of child support.. Lets keep in mind that I just got back into the swing of things as far as working goes. And it is half way true that I should be busting my ass to make things work.

But the ultimate heartbreak for me is hearing my son tell me he has a new mom now because I'm not around. I can't even begin to explain this. There is no words. all I can say is that it makes me feel like I have failed. I am a terrible mother.

I have to walk on egg shells all because I'm worried that and have been told that I will not be able to talk to my kids anymore.

It's a situation that completely blows. No surprise why i feel the way I do sometimes.

And the one person who should be sticking by my side and making me feel better totally disses me by telling me my ex still owns me and doesn't talk to me. Telling me to fight and then a few months eariler tells me there's no point in fighting. confusing ? Very! Not understanding that in a flash he can keep my babies away from me. whats even more painful is the lack of support I am getting from him. He can see plain as day that something like this kills me. And he chooses to watch I love New York instead of comfort me really makes me lose respect for him. If it was him that was going through this I would be by his side drying his tears telling him it's ok. Points lost.. respect lost.

I'm hurt in more ways than one. I thank my mom for calling me and trying to cheer me up. She may not have been there in the past and our relationship mtight be crappy but she came tho for me tonight