Quick update

I haven't blogged in a while. Funny thing is I just updated on Thursday night and was completely done and was just about to hit the publish button when the chick that sits next to me hits the computer switch that controls hers and mine off. It was a long blog too. One bout all the drama and everything new going on with me. And I am just to lazy to do it all over again. So I'm just going to blog about the way I am feeling.


considering everything that has been happening these past 2 or 3 weeks I have every right to feel the way I am feeling. It just seems that everything gets worse. Like there's never going to be a silver lining to my cloud. I am truly depressed. And I hate feeling this way. Although my biggest stress of my life was lifted off my shoulders it is still very much there. Just maybe 2 pounds lighter but from that 50 extra pounds are now on my shoulders ...LOL leave it to me to come up with some stupid shit that makes no sense. I was here in the house today 1st day off in what seems like forever and I was thinking about everything and I wonder is everything really worth it ? eaning is my life really worth anything ? So here I am looking at it from every angle thing of thing I have done in the past & present and wondering what the future holds and thinking about how things have become pretty routine for me. Something that I hate. I don't know what it is but I am in such a down mood very unhappy and gloomy.

I noticed that lately I have been very worried about my health too. Maybe it has to do with seeing and hearing people with their health issues that has me so worried about mine. I really don't know. I guess IM not to sure about anything anymore. I just have to wait and see how things go and what direction I want to go in and how to get there. LOL if there was a way u could take a brak from ur self I would jump on it. I just hate being in these kind of moods and I hope to get out of it before it gets worse. But I'm no jackass well I take that back I am a jackass but I am not a stupid one. I would never hurt myself.

Another turtle blog

so yesterday I had to use the bathroom so I tell my daughter to watch my son while I go take a 1015. My son is a lil demon and gets into everything he's going to be 4 in June so those with kids know that at this age there a hand full. So I go and come out and sit back on my couch and notice my son acting weird carrying his candy grab bag from a party from the night before.

I really think nothing of it and keep going on about my business. I'm reading my magazine and something tells me too look up and I see my son smiling at me standing next to my T.V. so I smile back but then I realize he had his hand in the turtles tank.. So I flip out cause if a turtle is on its back for to long they could die ( I heard that from somewhere don't know how true it is).

so when I get up to check him he has a massive piece of chicken in his tank. My lil angel thought it would be nice to feed him chicken so I panic thinking oh my god my turtle is going to die. So I'm telling Julius no what are u doing and he's yelling over and over jumping up and down I'm sorry mommy I'm sorry mommy !! I'm trying to pull the turtle out the tank but he's holding on to the chicken and he doesn't want to let go I had to pull the chicken and the turtle out at the same time and pry the chicken out of lil fiddys mouth his water was greasy he smelled like chicken.

when I went to the kitchen I noticed all the chicken I had made for dinner was gone and I was looking for it and I couldn't find it so when I asked Julius where's all the chicken he would say fiddy ate it. I would ask hazel and she would laugh and say I don't know. It turns out all the chicken was in his candy bag he had put it there so he could feed the turtle with out me knowing.

as for fiddy he loved the chicken he was all in a good mood after he ate it. Swimming around crawling everywhere. The most active I have seen him since I got him.

The golden girls

So the other night I was watching T.V. late at night when I saw that the golden girls were going to come on. At first I was like ugh no, but then I said oh you know what for the hell of it I'll watch it. So I caught the ending of one episode that I remember seeing when I was younger. The golden chicks were throwing a party with nothing but pure men there old men too. And Dorothy was outside with rose's boyfriend and they kissed and that lil old lady Sofia saw it all .. LOL I cant believe I got into it and waited through the commercial and beginning credits to finish watching it. So they do the whole last time on golden girls thing. Now for those who don't remember there were 4 of these hot old lady's. It was rose the dingy one , blanch the horny one Dorothy the leader ( who I always thought was really a man she was a big ol lady) and then the little crazy one Sophia who has attitude. LOL I wonder if all Sophia's have attitude one of my good friends is named Sophia and she's oh my god that's another blog all together. ( I've tallyed it up I owe counting this one 3 blogs on my weird friends & family) and then I remember there was a spin off show from the golden girls like about there neighbors or something one of the chicks even makes a guest appearance and Sofia slams the door in her face. Well anyways I had a dandy ol time watching it and if I'm ever awake I'd watch it again its like a seniors citizens sex and the city . LOL and now everytime I do watch it I'm going to think of Dan. Cause he was 30 !!!!!! When they were on T.V. .. LOL olive juice yah Dan I just had to throw that in..

For the record ppl

okay Dave havock is not gay hes fuckin hott . So ignore the link on my profile titled gay guy singing hes hott , and talented and screw u u homo tony u bitch hater !!!!!! click on it and it takes u to the bands site AFI ...lol tony no more passwords fo u foo !!!

I almost lost someone dear to me ......

okay I am sick. Have a pretty bad case of the stomach flu. See last Friday the hennys were going to Florida for a trip. Well they caught this stomach flu and brought it to the office. So I am the only one who comes down with it. They were out for a few days this week. Well I started to feel it on Tuesday and by the time Wednesday rolled around I was so sick .. And it didn't help for the past few days I have been eating these nasty ass nachos from the gas station across the street but there good and I plan on buying more tonight....LOL. So I left work around 12pm on Wednesday and skipped school. My partner in crime wanted to go out drinking but I couldn't handle booze .

so today I called in sick slept it off a lil and now I am at school. Feeling a lil better I have been drinking lots of water and 7 up. So that's that one.

okay let me ge to the title of the blog. Last night my heart broke for a second. And it is true that when u think someone is dead u kind have that instant flash of the good times and how life is after their gone and what are u going to do and tell everyone. Last night as I was in the kitchen I happened to look up to the top of the fridge where I keep lil fiddy.(for those who don't know that's my turtle) I keep him up on the top of fridge cause my son messes with him. Julius can not reach him when he's up there.

so I glance at him and he looks stiff and white. And I freak, so I tap the glass and say fiddy. He's not responding. So I'm thinking oh shit !! And the flash begins back to the 1st day I saw him, our fun times and them him laying lifeless and white under the water. Then I think oh my what am I to tell the kids? How do I get rid of the body? Can I flush him down the toilet ? Or should I bury him? Dude I'm sad I wanted to cry so I go tell Vern (I'll explain who Vern is later). And he is sad also.

so I go back and check one last time and I noticed he has an eye open. So I pull him out of his water and he wakes up and is happy to see me. He was not dead just in a very deep sleep. So I change his water hold him for a bit and then put him back in his cage. So fiddy is fine.

also I cut my hair last night. It was driving me crazy. Okay there my update..

now leave me alone!!!

The world is full of pricks and I had to fuckin find the biggest one

time to bloc about a son of a bitch that I wish I never fuckin met. The baby's daddy may he rot in hell for the rest of his sorry worthless life. I must have been such a bad person in my past life to get stuck with some of the shit I have to deal with now. I mean seriously is the fuckin drama ever gonna end. Will shit ever be easy for me ? I am at my breaking point I'm ready to fuckin explode. If killing myself were an option I would fuckin take it. Put truthfully its not worth it and fuckin retared you cant ran away for u or your problems u need to face them head on.

so this bitch tells me that I am selfish. Maybe I am , but like I said before I have always looked out for others and been walked on so now the hell with everyone fuck them all. I am tired of it. Tired of this asshole. If I could kill him and get away with it I would. I have so much hate for this person its unbelievable. I try to keep it cool with him but his comments piss me off so I verbally abuse him only because he does it to me. My kids are the ones who suffer and I hate to see that. My son is sick and because I am a selfish Lila bitch I need to learn my lesson. Which means.... Okay here's the story.

so I am never at home I leave in the morning got to work come home for about 40 mins for lunch go back to work. Leave there and then go put in like 2 hours @ job number 2 then got to school from 6 - 10 pm then go home. The only real free time I have is weekends. And I do this all is because I want better for my family . Its a sacrifice that only I am willing to make. Now according to Mr fuckin wonderful I take on too much true I do but I do it all know cause in the future it will pay off I'm young why wait till later. Yes he is here to help me, thank god he could of been an ass like most men are and walk out and never look back. But because I am doing all this he says I keep him for some of the things he wants to do. Now here's what I ask over and over . What is it you want to do ? Sit on your ass and watch judge Judy ? Or roll form your left side to your right ? Seriously..

He claims I have changed since I started taking care of things...Meaning going to school... And all that crap.. Yes I'm not going to lie over the past 3 years I have changes I'm not even the same person I used to be but its for the better. And because I am doing what I got to do to become something and provide a better life for my kids he sees that as a threat. He has low self esteem I feel bad. There's more to this story he's sick diagnosed with something very rare here in the US neurosistersocosis in English OMG I'll blog about it all in next entry too freakin long to get into detail. But ever since he got sick about maybe 5 years ago he's been very depressed and I don't give a fuck what kind of a mood you are in don't bring me down with you. geez I'm getting tired of complaining I feel like if I get more pissed than what I am I'm going to do something I am going to regret or wind up in the hospital...Why ? Because of my nose twitchin breakdown !!!!