i jacked this

† MUERTE †

she asked him if he liked her, he said no.

She asked him if she was pretty, he said no.

She asked him if he wanted her, he said no.

She asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said no.

So she turned and walked away, trying not to cry ...

He grabbed her arm and said ...I

don't like you, I love you...

You're not pretty, you're beautiful...

i dont want you, i need you...

and I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die.....

Ahoy.....I love the ghetto

this job is fuckin trippy. So Monday, Wednesday and Fridays are easy. Tuesdays and thursdays we see patients. So Monday my 1st day was a breeze. Now Tuesday was a different story. There counting me 4 people at this office. A husband and wife who are Jamaican also known as henny 1 and henny 2 . Then there's this lady from Belize. I am stuck with tropical people.

so anyhow Tuesday rolls around. Oh my god it was crazy. The doctor I used to work for was a hand and plastic surgeon in Beverly hills..Talk about a step down welcome to the ghetto.

this doctor ( who I will meet tomorrow) is a family practice doctor so he deals with everything. The highlight of my evening was this one lady. She said that when she called over the phone she was told if she brings a report of her pap smear that she just had from her old doctor can she just get her birth control. She's smokin crack cause shies a new patient she needs to be see by the doctor or physician assistant. So she get here and is raising a little hell. So I give her her paper work and tell her to sit down. We were so busy had a crap load of patients.

so every freakin 10 mins she's getting up asking if she needs to be seen and when cause she needs to go somewhere. So I ask henny 1 , and the physician assistant and the P.A. tells me to tell her in 2 hours...lol who's gonna hear it. Allie is, so I tell her umm its gonna be a while. So she's like fuck this let me talk to the office manager.

so I get henny 1 and she's like I was told blah blah blah. So henny 1 was like no u need to see the P.A. this chick says out loud u cant fuckin do a pap on me I have a yeast infection it itches and u cant do a pap on people when they have the cream in them.. henny 1 was like can u please lower your voice.. As loud as she can she's was like I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF THESE PEOPLE KNOW I HAVE A YEAST INFECTION AND MY SHIT ITCHES I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR GIMMIE MY PILLS SO I CAN ...U KNOW WHAT FUCK THIS AND FUCK U AND FUCK UR CLINIC GIMMIE MY SHIT AND IM OUT..

As my title god bless the ghetto... I feel so at home...LOL

Get ready for this one people its a novel

I was going to blog about someone but at the moment I'm stuck in my I'm pissy for no reason mood (well truthfully I know why I am pissy but I choose not to let it be known) So I decided to put that on hold and fill everyone in on my week.

(((remember I started this blog on the 22nd of April so FYI I am not pissed at this person anymore I have just not had the time to finish this cause its so long))

So the other day I went to pick up my daughter from school. And as I was waiting for her to get her junk together I decide to take a look at the class pet. It is a turtle.. Poor lil turtle her teacher was telling me that she's thinks its gonna die soon cause they don't take good care of it and she asked if I wanted to take it home. Feeling sorry for it cause it had almost no water in its little cramped tank I decided we could keep it. So here it is on my desk. I've always liked turtles there pretty cool. We have all decided on 2 names for this turtle but as for now one seems to stick better the other one. My friend Vern said that he's really small like a fifty cent piece. And we should name him lil fiddy. My daughter hazel said we should call him Mr.T. So here it is lil fiddy the turtle, Mr T (I pitty the turtle !!!!).

So I am going through a lot of drama with this school as I said in my last blog I was trying to drop the class.. So everytime I go to talk to this lady she's never around. So as I am making my rounds through this school I decide to go see Susan. Jackie was there and so we were all talking and Susan tells me to go on a interview the following day .

The following day I have this interview that I really don't want to go to. But I go anyways cause I just quit my last job and bills don't pay themselves. So to my surprise it's like right down the street from my house. Were talking like blocks away.

So I get there and its a cheesey little clinic, nothing compared to the other one I worked for and as soon as I get there the lady behind the desk is like Dolores we have been waiting for u! And I'm like what the hell? For one its Allie and 2nd I was supposed to be here at 10:15 . But she's says all this in one breath and runs of to go tell henny( the lady I interview with) that " Dolores " was here.

So I take a seat and I'm waiting forever and then this chick walks in and I remember seeing her around school. So I was like I wonder if this is Dolores? So she's waiting cause the lady behind the desk is on the phone. But from around the corner comes hen and she is looking right at me so I'm getting ready to get up and meet her but this chick goes flying by me and in to her office. Some of these M.A. bitches can be brutal when it comes interviews. Me, pff I could care less. But I was thinkin fuckin bitch ...LOL but then I was like its cool I am in no rush.

Here I am waiting again. And there taking a long time interviewing. Most places I went was like less than 7 mins. So finally this chick comes out and is like I know u we used to go to the same school together and I'm thinking yeah yeah ..blah blah so we talk for a second about nothing and then she's gone.

Finally my turn she was a pissy lady with an attitude asking me stupid question about a bunch of nothing. So I was thinking to myself please don't call me back.

I decided to skip school that night I was too tired to go plus I wanted to spend extra time with my little monkeys. So were playing around being goof balls when I got a phone Cal from my mom. She tells me not to freak out but she's in the hospital and she will be there for about 6 weeks ((and she tells me not to freak out about that )). I asked her what was wrong and I couldn't go to the hospital to be with her cause I had no one to watch the kids. She said once they give her a room she'll call me back and fill me in.

I find out she has pus in a pocket in her spinal cord form and infection on her arm that she did not take care of. The doctor said that they might have to operate. And if she hadn't came in when she did she would have been paralyzed permantly or dead in a matter of days. As if my life was not stressful enough already this comes in to play. Gee thanks god. <<>

So next day I'm off to see her when I get there she's tells me my aunt is on the way too. They have not seen each other in ages . So there like little school girls giggling and remembering the old days. But here I am wanting to know what's going on. When in comes the roomy .LOL so black lady named nukka. She seems cool but I wanted to pop her son for coping attitude with my mom LOL.

that Thursday night I had a hardcore attitude with everyone people where just annoying the hell out of me. So if I was rude to any of you ..Too fuckin bad deal with it !! No I'm playing I'm sorry.

Friday I'll make it quick cause I'm tired of bloging. I went to see my mom she's doing better the doctor said he's shocked at how good she's doing there is no need to operate and no need for an incision and drainage she's healing fine and that extremely rare in those cases((amen, like I told her only the good die young ..LOL)). And so when I go home I am told henny called and said I got the job I start Monday morning @ 10 am . DAMNIT!!! So I'm definitely gonna blog about my day cause I have a feeling its gonna be a weird one.

love wont let me wait

The time is right, you hold me tight

And love's got me high

Please tell me, 'Yes' and don't say, 'No'Honey, not tonight

Move a little close to me,

you owe it to yourself

And I will selfishly take a little for myself

And it's because of youThat love won't let me wait

Yeah, yeahThe time is right, turn down the lights

And take my hand, ooh, ooh, yeah

We'll take a flight and spend the night

In Wonderland

And I need to have you next to me in more ways than one

And I refuse to leave till I see the mornin' sun

Creep through your window pane

Because love won't let me wait

Not another minute

Ooh...ooh...ooh...yeah...yeah...

And I need your love so desperately and only you can set me free

When I make to you, we'll explode in ecstasyAnd I won't take the blame

That love won't let me wait

Yes I am a badfish too

So this entry is all about the person I love, and why I am so in love with him. He is the best thing that has pretty much ever happen to me, and I know that its not going to end there. It just seems as the days go by our love gets stronger. I sometimes tell myself wake up stupid it will never work but for some odd reason I cannot let it go.

He very understanding gentle and kind .. Something very rare now a days in men. And as much as I don't want to bloc this cause it will only make him big headed. He's extremely smart a hardcore math geek ..LOL. Who would have thought I would end up with a math geek that one still tickles my pickle.

he loves to be the center of attention as much as he tries to deny this, its true. I love his laugh and his voice even his pervy ways. I get a kick out of him. He's very into having a huge family and seems like he would do anything to please me.

I love it when we even fight. His voice is so sexy. Also he's has a bit of a ghetto side too and his family and friends crack me up.

basically what it boils down to is that I am madly in love with him everything he can say to me or do to me can only make me love him more. When I'm in a bad mood he cheers me up. Listening to him tell me how much he loves me makes me want him even more. Not only do I have those feelings for him I consider him my best friend one who I know I trust .

I can Tell him anything and we can just giggle about it like little school girls. He knows he can cry on my shoulder if Kamala scares him again. And if I tell him I'm in a rut and need to borrow money he'll hook me up with 5 bux so I can by me that burger king burger..LOL and if we cant find his apartment then its fine by me we'll be lost together. And if he pisses me off I'm chasing him down the street with only one shoe with that cow tazer.

I love you baby !!!!%3

Time to blog about nothing yay!!!

Nothing really exciting has been going on with me. All the drama in my life has somewhat passed and things are calm for now or are they ? I still find myself stressed out to the point where I will soon have a complete breakdown and check my crazy self into a mental hospital..lol its not that serious people calm down.

My nose has been twitching lately its pretty funny. I keep reminding my self to ask DrV why its doing that but then I forget (story of my life) and get caught up in the daily drama that is medical billing.

And since were on the subject can I just say it freakin sucks !! Today is Monday I have been trying to get out of this class since last week and what I mean by trying I mean drop out of it completely.

Stupid school. So this afternoon I will hopefully be out of there. There trying there hardest to keep me all because they want my money. Greedy people.

I'm severely stressed right now. I find myself questioning everything that's in my life at the moment. Some times I stress myself out over stupid lil things that I should not be stressing over but I can't help it.

I just hate being stuck in a rut and right now im so stuck.. stuck in what? That's unimportant to my blogger readers at the moment.. Then what's the point of blogging about if IM not gonna spill it?

Oh fine here it goes ( was that 3 questions ? Damn!! ) Recently I figured out what I am going to do with myself. I had no idea that it was going to be such a big thing and I caught myself questioning if I really want to go through it all. And I do. But now I have to wait till summer classes start and I hate waiting.

Then there is the fact that I had a job one that sucked ass and now I don't all because I couldn't stand the way this weirdo flipped his lid on me so is that really a stress? Yes it is bills need to be pawed.

Then there's this person in my life who attitude I can not stand who tells me that I am selfish and not thinkin about others which in a way is true but this is what I have to say about all that.

Fuck that my whole life I have been always catering to others needs.. Not to sound like I'm the shit or anything cause that's far from what I'm tying to get across. But I know I have potential and I'm not going to let anyone knock me down regardless of who they are. Like I said I have always tried to make others happy now its my turn to do what I need to do.

This person is very good at making me feel bad sometimes he is the poison to my brain and I feel bad that I see it this way. But that's what it is he has a way of turning things and people against me I know the real him and when others see him he puts on the I am an angel front

stresses me out to the fullest and is really no help..Let me take that back he is a help but there's a lot of issues there so I'll just stop that there. Anyways he's a true abuser and I mean mentally.

But I know who I am and his lil games do not work on me anymore.

Then there's my Texas stress..lol well not really that's just pure bliss.. But one thing Now more than ever since I'm not workin he knows I cant go out there but there's always that when are you coming to see me and gives me crap and a little bit of attitude.. Or the fact that we cant be together when we both really need a hug or love or just to get laid damnit!! But I love him

okay that is all for now

My encounter with the killa squirrel

Once there was a girl named allie. She was walking one rainy morning. It was nice and cold out cloudy and grey. She was minding her own business when she saw this cute lil squrriel.Now allie has always thought that squirrels were cute but she also feared them. But when ever she sees them she makes this lil clicking noise to get there attention. So as shes walking she sees the lil thing and is thinking I'll click at it, so she does the lil noise and the squirrel likes what it hears and starts walking towards her so allie starts to panic and she picks up the pace and the squirrel picks up the pace. Allie is freaking out this lil thing looks like he really wants a piece of her so she sprints it sprints aliie runs fro her life the squirrel runs for its life too.

Allie runs into a building. The squirrel stops, and watches allie so allie waits for the all clear and keeps on with her day

the end ........................Or is it ?

My encounter with the Beverly hills squirrel =)

So today I got up pretty early in the morning walked my lil creature to school and went for a morning jog and to go pay a bill in Beverly hills which is not really that far from where I stay especially when jogging. I had gotten there early the place opened at 9 am and it was around 8:30. So there was a park near by so I decided to go sit and just wait there. So there I am listening to music trippin out on all these people running the track, watching the kids play. And thinking damn who the hell brings their child to the park at 8 am. When all of a sudden I feel like someone comes and jumps on the table at first I thought it was a man trying to attack me or run up on me and I see no one was behind me. So then I look at the table and this lil thing is sitting next to me.

anyone who knows me knows that I am scared of squirrels. There claws and they run fast and they carry diseases there cute but they freak me out.

So I guess this lil thing thought I was a statue cause I was not moving or its just really brave and jumped on the table next to me.

it was pretty funny cause we both just kinda looked at each other shocked and I moved over a lil bit cause I was scared and it freaked out and hopped off the table and stood and looked at me like like it was going to attack me.

we paused and just looked at each other. It was time for me to go so I jogged off.

Happy birthday

So today is a special day.. It is my grandfather's birthday. I am really not sure how old he would have been maybe somewhere in his late 70's early 80's I never really asked anyone. You know sometimes I cant help but wonder what it would be like if he was still around. Would my grandma still be around ? Would they still be married? Or what his voice sounds like, his personality or is he just a mean old man ? I doubt that one very seriously, from what I was told he was a good man a family man..

I had something very weird happen to me the other night. The last time I felt anything like this was when I had found out my grandma had passed away. I was cleaning and I opened a lil storage closet I have and when I opened it I felt the strangest feeling on my arm. I could feel this tingling feeling like something not normal and it was just in 2 spots . Thinking it was dust or hair or a bug I went to brush it off and I felt like I got zapped. And I took a closer look at my arm kinda freaking out but curious to see what this was all about and I see my lil arm hairs moving back and forth all my windows were closed there was no air in my house I had no goosebumps I was not cold but there they were just moving as if someone was touching or stroking my arm this was something that was just not normal. I didn't know what to make of it so I just stood there and let it happen the more I payed attention to it the more I felt the tingling and was getting zapped

the last time I felt that was when I had gotten the phone call my grand ma passed I was in my living room it was dark no lights on at all. I sat on the couch crying with my elbows on my knees and my hands out and that when I felt my hand being held.

But to another subject tomorrow is much more meaningful to me than today its baby's birthday hazel she'll be 7. Its funny cause I went to her school this past Friday her father met me there to help set up cake and ice cream for these kids .. There in the 1st grade and they can be brutal and I wasn't going to face these lil beasts alone. So we get there and there all jazzed and happy. So IM there cutting the cake and like flies on crap there all around me asking me a whole bunch of questions. So I answer them, one little kid asked me how old I was a replied too old and he's said ur about what ur early 30's ? omg i died then this other lil girl is like no I'd say early 40's so I had too correct theses lil boogers and let them know I am 23. I was a lot of fun to see Her with her class mates and what it is they do all day . And then I started to get flashbacks of my elementary days god I hated them. But there's still a part of u that sometimes wishes u could just go back to not having to worry about anything.

Dramarama

Finally I have a chance to sit and blog..... So lets see what's new. A lot!! I've been doing some serious thinking (which in my case can be pretty scary) and I have come up with a plan. I pretty much realized that I have been wasting my time. See for the past like couple of months I have been stressing on things. I have a job one that's ok but I want to get out of it cause it ties up my weekends leaving me no time to spend with the people I love plus, who the hell wants to work on weekends? Anyhow so I have Been busting my ass sending resumes to different clinic and hospitals (cause I thought I was in to the whole Medical assistant thing ) and I find myself asking myself is this really what I want to do forever?

My answer to that is hell no !! So fuck it all to hell I have decided that IM going to give it all up.

Right now at the moment I am taking some medical billing courses and u know what fuck that too IM going to drop it cause truthfully I cant stand the shit

So what's my plan.. Well here it goes. IM going to enroll into community college cause after giving it some very serious thought and also with the help of that weird ass Dr. G (the Dr. I work for) IM going to become a medical & public health social worker. Something I can seriously see myself doing, something I know I will enjoy for the rest of my work years. Now people that know me know I change my mind a lot. But this is legit. This is it. Do you know how good it feels to finally know what direction to go in.

My goal (and its going to happen) is to work as a medical social worker and wok with HIV and AIDS patients. Tomorrow is my day off and IM heading down to the college to check out what classes and what is required to reach my goal.

And with that being said I am off so wish me luck people !!